renegadeRICEcracker

i can't wait until i get my review.

this guy at work told me that if anyone asks him to review my work, he will tell them that i am "often adequate."

go me!!!

secrets in my sleep

it may not be all as dramatic as that, but apparently i talk in my sleep. like, talk and have conversations, not just make strange noises. i suppose i'm dreaming aloud. i don't really like the thought of that and the information i could unwittingly divulge about myself. i'm going to have to be careful with whom i share rooms (although, those of you who have heard a certain story about other things that have happened in my sleep already knew this).

what's kind of funny is that i seem to have different, non-overlapping sleep traits that each have been witnessed by only one person. so my sister says i grind my teeth, ayumi says i talk in my sleep, diane says i beat her up, etc. i guess it's all what you bring out in me.

yay no more britney!

i got a new car stereo today. about a month ago, the display stopped working in my stereo. this did not present that much of a problem, since i knew what the presets were and all. however, last saturday, i got in my car and noticed that the volume buttons didn't work. then i noticed that the preset buttons didn't work. and then it just... petered out and i had no sound. then it came back. then it went away. then it came back.

most of the time, it was back. however, when it was back, it was stuck at an annoying low volume. and it was stuck on KIIS. (i swear -- KIIS only constitutes about 5% of my listening time in the car.) as a result, i listened to more britney spears this past week than i ever thought i would. i think i almost know all the words to "toxic." clearly, something had to be done.

of course, that dent and broken taillight that have been on my car since over a year ago are still there. but at least the radio is fixed.

bush haiku

This is a short poem made up entirely of actual
quotations from George W. Bush. These have been
arranged, only for aesthetic purposes, by Washington
Post writer, Richard Thompson.

MAKE THE PIE HIGHER

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
And potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet
Become more few?

How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.

I know that the human being
And the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope,
Where our wings take dream.

! Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher!
Make the pie higher!

way unproductive.

i'm having trouble working right now. in the morning i was just out of it but now that i've had lunch i'm having trouble staying awake. *yawn*

yesterday i went to watch 'the l-word' with some friends at a bar in weho. it was a nice divey little bar that got jam-packed with lesbians (standing room only) watching the show on a big screen. there was a table roped off on a little raised platform where apparently two of the women on the show (shane and alice? i'm not sure) come watch with the crowd every week (they weren't there last night).

i hadn't seen the show before, and having watched amidst the catcalls and other forms of audience participation, i still don't know very much of the storyline. from what i saw, it does seem sort of like they should either: 1) have more soft core porn, or 2) have a lot less of it and more focus on storyline. as it was, it seemed like a lot of the crowd wasn't paying attention at all until shirts started to fly, so that they were just waiting through talking scenes until they could start hooting again. if there were fewer explicit sex scenes, perhaps people would focus more on what was going on with the characters. of course, my perspective may be skewed from the fact that i was surrounded by drunken, cheering women and couldn't hear any dialogue. and the girls i was with did say they were going to go home and watch it again so that they could actually see what happened.

note to self

if you know that chances are high that you are going to crash on the couch after a party because you will be too drunk to drive home at whatever hour of the morning it is, do not park on a street where you will have to move your car by 8am.

last night i was at a belated post-st. patty's day party. i ingested many green jello shots, along with an "overwhelmingly vodka" apple martini and various other beverages.

at one point it apparently became sport to leave lipstick on my face, so all these women kept reapplying lipstick and coming over and kissing my cheek/eye/forehead/temple/etc. it was a little bizarre, but i was very drunk so i didn't think much of it.

at the end of the evening, we were all ambling around warbling into the karaoke machine when some random guy who'd been excessively huggy during a duo said he didn't know where the host of the party had gone (it was clearing out) but that he'd been told to take care of me. then he put his arm around my waist and tried to pull me out the door with him.

yeah. i wasn't /that/ drunk.

help us, dr. laura!

Laura Schlessinger ("Dr. Laura") is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her show. Recently, she said that homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstances.

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura.

******************************************

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate. However, I do need some advice from you regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking them, but most women take offense at this.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they be put to death?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field. His wife does also by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blends). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them as is required by Lev.24:10-16? Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family gathering like Leviticus
20:14 says we are supposed to do with people who sleep with their in-laws?

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for
reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Signed,
An adoring fan

oy

when you don't pay attention when ordering, you accidentally end up dropping way too much on dinner.

that said, asia de cuba is a pretty good restaurant, albeit a little trendy for a casual dinner. not having fully thought out my restaurant choice, we showed up in jeans (mine ripped) and stuck out a bit amongst the little glam hipsters. i had a new kind of wine, though god if i can remember how to spell it. i won't try here, but it was good.

don't go there if you're starving. 10:30pm reservations mean that, if you get appetizers, you won't finish with your entree until 1am.

yay new blackberry!

i'm really unmotivated right now, so i'm at least making use of my time by sitting on hold and purchasing a blackberry. i went with the blackberry 7280 (we have a deal with at&t), and am going to try out not having the phone capability for a couple months. i am going to continue using my regular cell phone because i don't want to be reachable at all times by work just because i want my cell phone with me.

ugh

you know what's not a good motivating factor? working your ass off late nights and through your weekends only so that months later when you find out that your team won your case the person you work for asks you how involved you were, doesn't remember what you did on the case, and informs you that you're not considered to be in the group of people who were really on the case.

the gay agenda

Many of you have heard Dr. Laura, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and others speak of the "Homosexual Agenda," but no one has ever seen a copy of it. Since they are all so concerned about the "Homosexual Agenda," I thought it might be helpful to have a copy so I asked a friend of mine, who recently obtained a copy of the HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA directly from the Head Homosexual, if he would send me a copy. He did, and now I am able to share it with all of you. I certainly hope it will assist you so that you will be prepared:

6 a.m. - Gym

8 a.m. - Breakfast: oatmeal, egg whites and mimosas

9 a.m. - Hair appointment

10 a.m. - Shopping, preferably at Barney's or Prada

12 noon - Brunch

2 p.m. - (1) Assume complete control of the U.S. federal, state, and local
governments as well as all other forms of world government; (2) Destroy all
healthy marriages; (3) Replace all school counselors in grades K-12 with
agents from Colombian and Jamaican drug cartels; (4) Bulldoze all houses of
worship; (5) Secure total control of the Internet and all mass media; (6) Be
fabulous.

2:30 p.m. - Mud mask and forty winks of beauty rest to prevent facial
wrinkles from the stress of world conquest

4 p.m. - Cocktails

6 p.m. - Light dinner: soup; salad with romaine, radicchio, arugula, and
balsamic vinaigrette dressing; apple martini

8 p.m. - Theatre

10:30 p.m. "Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight!"

(note: clearly this is the gay male agenda, what with the emphasis on fashion and mud masks.)

holy champagne hangover

good lord. i'm still nauseous. the only other time i can remember having been really nauseous as part of my hangover was this past new year's (god that was a painful day). usually i just am groggy and have that dehydration headache.

last night was a coworker's bachelorette party, and we gathered in a room and drank champagne for 3 1/2 hours before heading out. i actually have no idea how much i drank because: 1) i didn't have to drive, and 2) i lost count after she opened the 6th or 7th bottle of champagne. i am pretty sure that i had more than a bottle all to myself.

after that a couple of us left and went to meet other people at a bar, where i downed a few more beers because it hadn't quite dawned on me yet how damn drunk i was. i finally did notice on the way back to the car and i had difficulty keeping my balance, and i sure figured it out when i got home, was stumbling all over my apartment, and then puked my guts out in the bathroom.

i would make one of those i'm-never-drinking-again statements except that i already have several drinking plans in the upcoming week. oh well. we'll just say that i'll watch my champagne intake from now on.

WOW I'M DRUNK

ideally you're with other people when you're this drunk. but fuck, i don't think that anyone from l.a. would argue that i did the right think by staying here in hollywood and going home rather than heading back to the fucking VALLEY wher eeveryone else wanted to go.

fuckers said they would meet me at a place in hollywood and then explained that i was too drunk to understand that they were going back to the valley.

i understand that. i just don't undertand why.

i am going t go drink watter and watch tv and hopefulyl will sober up knda soon. whatever.

bye

oh, this is cheerier.

which book are you?

You're One Hundred Years of Solitude!

by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Lonely and struggling, you've been around for a very long time. Conflict has filled most of your life and torn apart nearly everyone you know. Yet there is something majestic and even epic about your presence in the world. You love life all the more for having seen its decimation. After all, it takes a village.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

and i thought i gave upbeat answers.

which country are you?

You're Thailand!

Calmer and more staunchly independent than almost all those around you, you have a long history of rising above adversity.  Recent adversity has led to questions about your sexual promiscuity and the threat of disease, but you still manage to attract a number of tourists and admirers.  And despite any setbacks, you can really cook a good meal whenever it's called for.  Good enough to make people cry.
Take the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

though i believe religiously in pithy personality tests containing fewer than 10 questions, i can't tell if i took this correctly because under the two answer choices to each question there was a little thingy indicating that there is an image my computer was not receiving. so i don't know if there are supposed to be three choices. but the sexual promiscuity and tourist comments certainly lead me to believe that this is completely accurate.

the immoral chinese

some guy told me yesterday how he doesn't understand how the chinese just don't seem to have any sense of commercial morality (it was in the context of counterfeiting cases). he said that chinese people seem to just want to make money in the most expedient way possible, and if that involves entering and reneging on contracts, so be it. people in the US, on the other hand "value things like dignity and honor."

i was polite about it, i think because i kept waiting for him to say something that would make what he said okay. it never came. and yes, i'm pretty sure he knows i'm chinese.

jackass comment aside, the weird thing is that he actually didn't mean any harm -- he was not baiting me, he was not trying to be rude, this is just what he thinks and for some reason he has no social mechanism that would keep him from saying this. *sigh*

dilemmas dilemmas

i decided to get off my ass and order a blackberry, because i've been making a lot of client visits and the being out of touch from e-mail for long stretches of time has been freaking me out. plus, i thought a little proactivity here might make up for the lack thereof in other areas of my life, like bill paying or dealing with my now completely useless wireless router.

i decided on the blackberry 7230 with t-mobile service, basically because i want the color screen and like the product better than the goodlink device, which is the main other alternative right now. the IT woman told me to reconsider because though the goodlink device does not have phone or color or internet, you don't have to sync it with your computer once it's hooked up -- ever. the blackberry, on the other hand, only syncs the calendar wirelessly, so that you have to hook it up to update contacts/notes/etc. she also said that when you delete from the handheld, it does not delete from outlook. and she pointed out that there are connection problems with blackberry in l.a.

i am going to check out a goodlink for a few weeks and see how i like it. the sad thing is that i think i will probably still get the blackberry one because i have inexplicably set my heart on it and decided i want it. i will rationalize by coming up with reasons for the blackberry being better, and then will convince myself that these other things don't matter.

i should just order the blackberry and not even check out the goodlink to begin with. oh well.

can't deal with the heat

it is so GODDAMN hot. i can't deal with it. it took me half an hour to cool down after going outside for lunch. it's MARCH. it's supposed to be perfect out. at least it will cool down a little come next weekend. and it was convenient that it kicked up in temperature just in time for the LA marathon yesterday -- i wonder how many more people than usual passed out because of the boiling hot.

not everything they're cracked up to be

last week, i heard via television advertisement that "according to america's taste test, americans prefer lay's stax to pringles."

now, i love pringles. but i believe in keeping an open mind, and am always up for something new, so i decided to venture out and try these new stax chips, despite my suspicions that they would be suspiciously similar to pringles, only perhaps thicker.

they were. and, as tana pointed out, they only have flavor on the inner curve part, so if you eat them right side up, you get no cheddar cheesiness against your tongue. also, while i appreciate that they were trying to make a heartier chip, one thing i like about pringles is their airiness. these stax thingies are shaped like pringles and made sort of like tato skins (only a little thinner).

anyway. i was disappointed. and, when i went to their site so's i could paste a link up there, i found that their marketing is terrible. one, all the promotions on their site are over. if they're over, take them off. second, two of their three "stax facts" were about the CONTAINER. if the main selling points about these chips are that "the container is shaped like the crisps to keep them whole and unbroken" and that it's also "resealable to maintain fresh taste," there is a problem.

i mean, i'll eat them. but this is no salty snack food revolution.

i don't feel like working.

thoughts:

1) the elevators at MGM ding and light up well before they arrive. it's like a warning indicator to let you know which one to stare at for another 15-20 seconds. "hey, i'm on my way!"

2) i am not a salad-for-a-meal kind of person. i like them, but they just don't feel enough like a meal to fly solo, or even with a soup. i think last night was the first time i ever tried it. sure, it sort of filled me up, but only for a short while, so that when i went home i made myself a sandwich and ate a bunch of girl scout cookies. on the upside, last night i learned what arugula is.

3) the chocolate in the candy jar in my office goes faster when i am out.

the one good thing about doc review...

... is that my rubber band ball has been growing significantly. granted, it is still piteously small. but i'm making progress.

anyway.

my car still reeks of alcohol. on sunday i was under the impression that the lingering scent was the result of alcohol emanating from my skin and breath as i drove home saturday night/sunday morning (i sobered up first, hence the 4:30 am drive home). but it's still there, and it's now three days later. i have to believe at this point that it must have originated with the three huge catering trays full of 151 and vodka jello shots that were transported in my car to the party on saturday.

my co-worker pointed out that, what with the noticeable odor, now i really can't drive drunk at all, because if i get pulled over they will think i'm hammered.