renegadeRICEcracker

ah, my friend procrastination

the newest e-mail forward going around with demotivational posters reminded me of my long-time favorite -- "procrastination: hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now." some of you may remember when i had this as my e-mail auto-signature during my first year in law school and forgot to turn it off when i e-mailed my resume to firms where i was seeking a summer associate position. whoops.

anyway, being on the shopping spree that i am, i decided to purchase this poster, frame it, and put it over my tv in my living room. where better, right?

gas pants

this morning i had to gas up my car, so i stopped by a 76 on the way to work. after i put the nozzle in i attempted to step over the gas hose to get to my driver side door and inadvertently knocked the gas nozzle loose. it flailed around a bit and sprayed gas all over my pants. my work pants. i went in to get some paper towels to try to dry my pants off, but it was evaporating pretty quickly and nothing really came off onto the paper towels.

anyway. i spent all morning reeking of gasoline, getting dizzy from the fumes, and being called "gas pants" by my co-worker. after my 1:00 meeting (the only point at which i should see a partner today), i went down to grab a change of clothes (lucky i stayed at mimi's last night and had clothes). i am now much happier, in casual clothes and gas free. yuck.

put your mouth where your twat is

from this week's savage love:

Oh, and apropos of nothing: Shaunti Feldhahn (shauntifeldhahn.com), "a conservative Christian author and speaker, and married mother of two," recently wrote an op-ed touting conversion therapy for homosexuals. I speak for all gay people everywhere when I say that I'm sick to fucking death of listening to straight fundies yapping about how easy it is for other people to change their sexual orientations. Think it's easy, Shaunti? Then prove it, bitch, by putting your twat where your mouth is. After you convert your skanky ass from hetero to homo, I will convert my skanky ass from homo to hetero. Give me a call when you're a carpet-munchin', vag-fistin' bull-dyke—and bring the video, because I'm going to want proof—and I will give up ass-munchin', butt-fucking faggotry. Until then, shut your stupid fucking mouth.

i love it.

new old friends

at the reunion, i ran into an old friend with whom i had been really close until we got into a big fight sophmore year of college because we went to a party and both made out with the same guy. happily enough, eight years later we were able to set aside this feud and i was totally excited to see her. she called monday and we had dinner at killer shrimp last night, which was great because: 1) i am enthusiastically pleased at this rekindled friendship and 2) i got to eat killer shrimp. so now i am in a good mood.

on another positive note, i was starving this morning and finally went downstairs to get a packet of quaker instant oatmeal (apples & cinnamon). i cooked and ate it and feel much better now.

fast times at u-- high

i went to my 10-year high school reunion on saturday. i went not so much to reminisce about good times from high school, but because i thought it would be a healthy way to let go of how much i hated high school and how horrific it was, since generally when i think of high school (in and of itself, as opposed to various positive memories), i think of how painfully awkward i was as i tried persistently but unsuccessfully to be comfortable with myself and fit in.

in this regard, the thing was a success. seeing people who used to intimidate me helped me see that 1) they are not so bad and there are a lot of people who don't seem to remember me as as awkward as i thought i was, and 2) more importantly, i actually don't care what these people think of me anymore, since many of the people whom i strove to fit in with are really kind of boring anyway. or, at the very least, they are just very different, and i would never end up hanging out with them if i met them now.

the crowning moment of the evening was when i was talking to my favorite teacher from high school, this crazy, passionate, eccentric english teacher who taught us all about life, philosophy and epiphanies. this was a teacher whom i looked up to and respected a lot in high school, and wanted to keep in touch with, but was too inhibited and shy to do so. i introduced her to mimi, and then in updating each other as to current status and circumstances, she told me that she had been thinking of moving to buenos aires with her girlfriend of thirty-one years. girlfriend!!!! thirty-one years!!!! i was totally shocked. it was great.

later on, i asked her if she just didn't talk about it at school, and she said that she never said no, but that it never really came up with students, and that the faculty knew. i was surprised that the school didn't care, since my impressions from made-for-tv movies are that teachers often have to hide it specifically from the school, and she said, "oh, well you know, at u-- there were so many gay teachers." "what?!?!?! like who?!?!" "hah! it would be easier to say who wasn't gay!" this, let me tell you, certainly puts a different slant on my high school memories.

anyway, i'm glad i went. at the end of the night my english teacher (she sat next to us at dinner, so we chatted quite a bit) came up to me and gave me her card, which i thought was nice. i also ran into a couple other friends i hadn't seen in 8 years or so whom i still like enough to want to see again, so we exchanged info and made loose karaoke plans. all in all, a successful evening.

"oh, check this out!"

i just saw my first commercial for boniva. a foursome of women of varying ages are lunching together and one says, "oh, check this out!" she pulls out a thin cardboard box and continues, "it's something i take to strengthen my bowels." the women start to pass it around and one exclaims, "once a month!?" understandably, the women go on to discuss how wonderful it is that this pill only has to be taken once a month.

WHO DOES THIS??? and why was it in her purse? since she only has to take it once a month, having it on her person is entirely unnecessary, so she clearly had it along specifically so she could whip it out and share with her friends. try as i might, i simply not conjure up a scenario in which i would whip out my bowel-strengthener and share it with a group of friends.

oh, the gary coleman "get cash now!" commercial is on. i find this commercial too depressing to go on. i have to go to bed.

inspirational dr. phil

i came home early to work on my couch and have the tv on in the background. dr. phil is on, which i had never watched before. he is counseling kids who are brutally picked on at school and telling them that they need to value who they are and ignore what other people think. while i watch the kids tear up as they are touched by his message, all i can think is, this better work and toughen them up to not care what other people think, because when they go back to school after being on dr. phil they are going to get torn up by their peers. dr. phil told one of the girls to forward him all the mean e-mails she gets when she gets back. yeah. that will gain her acceptance.

clay aiken is on now, with the title: "pop star who was bullied in school." so now these kids know to have heart because they could also grow up to sing crappy pop music.

not to belittle what dr. phil is trying to do. but i feel like this will just make it worse for the kids. but anyway. i heard on KROQ today that dr. phil now has a TEN-YEAR contract with nbc. wow. i would not have expected that.

peggy sue puffy prom dresses

apparently i am too lazy to blog about my costa rica trip, which was fabulous. i typed out most of a long story about crazy gloria and the infestation of monster, prehistoric cockroaches, but that has sat in the drafts box for a couple weeks. so instead i will blog randomly to note how relieved i was to hear back from my high school reunion coordinator that it is "cocktail attire." i was worried that it would look like an adult prom with puffy dresses, like in peggy sue got married.

anyway, i've decided to go to my 10-year reunion. i had staunchly decided against it because i hated high school, everything about it, and everyone with whom i am not still in contact. however, as the deadline drew near i panicked and started to worry that i would regret it if i didn't go. besides that, i have convinced myself that it would be good for me, if for nothing more than to face stupid high school insecurities or whatever. besides, everyone at work who went said that it was good, and that for the most part people are nicer than you remember and more mature. we shall see. i am still scared of it enough that i strong-armed sean into going as well, for which i absolutely love and adore him.

but it's all good -- as one of my co-workers pointed out, if anyone tries to get annoying or competitive i can say, "oh yeah? have you seen my hot girlfriend?"