renegadeRICEcracker

OH

i think i have gotten my first wrinkle!!! that place on my face between my left cheek and my upper lip, the part that creases when i laugh or smile, there is a line there now. a permanent one. it came in the last three days. i am... unhappy about this. so much for that "asians don't age" thing. i'm going to start using sunblock face lotion the way sahar has been counseling me to since we were in high school. ugh.

of course, this makes me feel hypocritical because i keep telling everyone around me that 30 is totally young, and people in their low 30s shouldn't feel old, blahbitty blahbitty, and now that i'm almost 30 i'm like, oh, wow, i'm getting old. :(

screw the city's finest

i got two fundraiser solicitor calls today, both from cops. have you ever noticed that cops are the most pushy of all the fundraiser solicitors? and while the first one was perfectly polite, the second one, after i very, very nicely told him that i've already given to a bunch of things and can't afford it, and then very politely repeated myself after he pushed three more times, hung up on me. what an asshole! from now on i'm going to tell them that i'll never give to cops again because they are so fucking rude on the phone. fucker.

i do love london

You Belong in London

A little old fashioned, and a little modern. A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock. A unique woman like you needs a city that offers everything. No wonder you and London will get along so well.

yay new tv!

last week i bought a new tv for my new place. i got it online from costco, which estimated that delivery would take 20 business days, but i got a call today, and they are delivering it next tuesday. crazy!

the only thing is that now it has to sit in the box for over a month while i wait to move in (i don't think my place right now is big enough to do this thing justice, and i'd rather have it moved all pristine in its box). so instead, i will just come home to it every day and be thinking... oh... tv... you and i can be together soon...

slightly better mood

rough day, following very rough yesterday. but my sister and i have been making plans for little trips with my mom, and i've nailed down a busy schedule of being constantly either with family or friends, and i went to dinner and had a nice time, and i'm in a better mood now. of course, that may just be the beer talking. but whatever.

my sister and i booked a nice room at the four seasons for the long weekend, and we are going to just hang out there with my mom. i think it will be fun. also, since my mom needs to rest fairly frequently now, i can use that down time to check out the driving range, and tennis courts, and pool. it will be nice.

my mom was also in a better mood today, which helped a lot. we'll do the best we can. and despite everything, we are lucky to have this time to appreciate and spend together. so we'll just keep doing the best we can.

isn't that warm and fuzzy? anyway. good night.

...

my mom's tumor marker went up again. by a lot. i don't know what to do. i never fully picked back up again after that couple weeks ago when i was really depressed. there has been a lot of activity, and getting the condo was good positive energy, but i have just been... sad. really sad. and i've been spending a lot of time with my mom, and that is nice, but that makes me sad, too. she is still doing her best to be positive, and my sister and i are always positive when we are with her, but i think she is getting scared, too. i can't even imagine what this is like for her. she is so strong, and she has been so amazing through this, but i think even if you have strong faith and an amazing spirit this just must be so scary.

we are, of course, still hoping for the best (i know it's irrational, but i feel guilty like i will make it happen if i talk like she is not going to get better), but i think everything is just settling deeper and deeper into my chest.

...

i'm not really sure what to do now. i'm trying to get some work done, because i have been so distracted but i really need to pull my hours up, but i am having a lot of trouble focusing. anyway.

we have been talking about going back to hawaii. my mom wanted to see other places, but other travel would involve sightseeing, and it would be tiring, whereas if we went to hawaii we could just sit on the beach all day. need to make use of the time we have. plan for the worst but hope for the best...

mmm... chianti...

i went to see "because i said so" with my mom today (after sleeping in for the first time in, what, a month? soooo needed... mmm... sleep...), and then we went to dinner at a little indian place. we had headed to govinda, a hari krishna restaurant near ayumi & brian's, but that place was closed for the day so we stopped at the next indian restaurant we saw. the food was not bad, but we tried a "carrot pudding" (i had wanted the "cream of wheat pudding" because i assumed that it was the dessert they have at govinda, but this place was out of it). it was... not very good. not objectively, of course. but not something i would order again.

we did a little shopping and stuff after that and then i came home to watch the l word. i have to say, i catch a lot more of the plot watching by myself than when with a bunch of drunken friends who have caravaned over to my place after an afternoon of drinking at the abbey. not that one is superior to the other, of course. anyway. i decided to open a bottle of chianti while i was watching, and now i have a warm little buzz. i also ordered a 47" hd lcd television (hopefully it will get here just before i move into my new place). and i did some wii training. i'm getting a little better at tennis, though brian still kicks my ass. (this was reaffirmed yesterday after a group of us drove out to arcadia for soup dumplings. mmm... soup dumplings...)

anyway. just before i was heading off to bed i poked around on my wii and realized that i can view pictures from my digital camera memory card on my wii. so then i scrolled through pictures of my mom's birthday, and the babies, and snowboarding. awww... i think that plus the warm little buzz has me feeling warm and fuzzy now. that's good. i've been in a weird mood lately. well, not weird. i guess just sad. i've been sad. it's not any great mystery why, but lately i've sort of just been slowing down and feeling the sadness more rather than going out constantly and drinking and keeping busy to not notice the sad. and then i guess that makes me more sad because it's not like this sadness is going to go away anytime soon. so that makes it more overwhelming.

oh. damn. that just turned into a sad buzz. i guess you have to be careful when there's a little alcohol in you. also, i just scrolled up through this and noticed that i am just blabbering about very small details that probably no one cares about. not that i normally have such lofty entries. but... you probably don't care if the indian restaurant is near ayumi & brian's. sorry about that.

anyway. i'm going to bed now. bye bye!

I BOUGHT A CONDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just north of santa monica on olive (1 bl east of la cienega). 2-bd/2-ba top floor, front-facing corner unit, 1258 sq feet, with laundry in-unit (actually, a whole laundry room), smooth ceilings with recessed lighting and speakers wired through, and a balcony big enough to bbq on and have a little table.

so fucking excited. also freaked out. but mostly excited. yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!