renegadeRICEcracker

airplanes

ann and me playing airplane with alex and andrew.

homemade dumplings

i've been craving homemade dumplings for a while, so i randomly decided to make some tonight. the ground pork at gelson's looked gross, so i got ground turkey instead and made turkey/chive filling. i made the skins from scratch, which was a lot of fun -- the entire process took a little over two hours, which i think is totally worth it. i think we used to make dumplings from scratch when i was little (i know my mom knew how to do it), but my memories tend to be more of the folding than the kneading and rolling.

anyway. i love fresh dumplings. my dad swears by this one brand of skins you can buy, but i don't think anything compares to fresh dough.

i am exhausted. after we were done we watched two full hour-long shows despite the fact that we were already tired. i've been having a little trouble going to bed these days.

okay. goodnight.

ugh

i can't get rid of this anxious feeling in my stomach. i went to spinning on friday (first time in months), but it was still there afterward. and i keep freaking out about things, i think because my body is looking for some outlet for all this crap churning around inside. i miss my mom. a lot. i have been crying more lately. i can't believe my mom is gone.

i have very, very slowly continued with putting things away. i sort of have a little less crap laying around my place, so there is more space to bring over more crap from my mom's.

i went to the huntington library yesterday with my sister, my nephews, and my sister's friend and friend's daughters. i ended up chasing alex all around the gardens -- it was great for him to have such a huge expanse to run around, and the children's garden is pretty neat. afterward i went to a housewarming party and then ended up hanging out at my sister's late into the night. when i am freaked out i always feel a little better around my sister, so that is nice.

anyway. i guess i will go try to put more stuff away. i am in a strange mood. partially numb, partially really anxious, partially really emotional. and tired and a little dizzy.

that's all. bye.

happy birthday, mom

today i am going to meet my sister's and uncle's families at rose hills to visit my mom's grave site, and then we are going to have a birthday lunch for her at a vegetarian restaurant in monterey park. afterward we will visit my great aunt and uncle, who are getting too old to drive out and meet us at the cemetary, but who were close to my mom.

i am very tired. i think i spent the last few days keeping very busy and not resting despite being sick so this could sneak up on me without my thinking about it too much. not that i wasn't crying a whole lot anyway. but even though i was dizzy from exhaustion by the time i climbed into bed last night, i still laid awake, and then kept waking up too early this morning. this all sucks. i miss my mom.

ack!

tonight i walked into my bathroom and saw a big black spider. on my toilet. it scurried under the toilet seat just as i saw it. i do not like this.

we think it should be okay, it was probably because we were moving lots of things around today, and probably dislodged its home. this morning movers met me at my mom's, and we moved her bed, her dining table and my old desk, dresser and nightstand to my place. i also took her treadmill and some boxes. isaac is here visiting, and he was very helpful. afterward we went to home depot and got things for little home improvement projects. moving things from my mom's increasingly empty home is not particularly fun, but at least i felt like we had a pretty productive day.

i would write about the neighbor who was randomly rude to isaac, but i am very tired and still sick. talk to you all later.